Orderliness - A Satire

I just realized that it has been a few months since I typed on this blog.

Maybe I just didn't have anything to say? Maybe not. I don't know.

Anyhow, I like things to be clean and organized, a genetic inheritance from my mother. I clean my house, my car, my desk, and my thoughts. I re-clean the stove and the countertops. Sometimes I wash my hair twice with shampoo (mostly because I can't remember if I already did). Just the other day I cleaned out my garage and repainted the floor! I've even been guilty of cleaning and organizing things and places that don't belong to me. Without doubt I straddle the OCD fence; and no, not one foot in, one foot out; more like one foot obsessive, one foot disorder (or however it can be arranged).

That is why I came home from a recent church talk about cleanliness being next to godliness/worthiness with increased pride and self-adulation. I thought, "I'm a shoo in for a celestial mansion. With all the cleaning and organizing and orderlinessing I've done in the last 30 years, I have enough in celestial savings for 150% down AND an $8000 federal tax incentive!"

After the cleanliness/godliness/worthiness talk, I confidently began to think about how much more organized and clean my house is than some of my neighbors. And I knew then that I was more worthy than them and will exact a greater eternal reward than them for my efforts. If the talk was correct and doctrinally sound (as are all things spoken from the pulpit), I have no need to worry about being any more worthy than the cleanliness of my house clearly indicates.

I was a little disappointed coming away from the talk. I imagine I'll have a hard time interfacing with the "unclean" at church. I thought maybe the scouts could use a Thursday night to make special bells for them to ring as we approach. And when they come hometeaching to exhort me to live the gospel more exactly, I'll be thinking in the back of my mind about their backyard and how messy it is. There is this one family, and their kids are always messy and disorganized, and they are at every church thing and always being good to people. I have no idea how they'll make it to heaven. If they do make it, they'll probably live on the other side of Heaven's railroad tracks. I'm sure Father just shakes his head in disappointment.

So, if you didn't know, as I didn't before Sunday (and am now severely relieved to know), please know now that one's worthiness is contingent on the degree to which their grooming and living circumstances meet a prescribed level of orderliness (please consult Pottery Barn and J.Crew for examples). Spend less time living the Sermon on the Mount and more time getting in order and cleaning up your kids and house and yard. Your worthiness is apparently at stake.

P90X

I got to thinking a couple weeks ago and realized something: I'm chubby. My lungs are out of shape and my heart hurts, probably because of the licorice residue. I am about 30 lbs over my BMI target and don't feel well. Flyballs I used to track down are now hits. My booty is as big as Lil' Rounds' and my double chin is pushing triple chin. Worst of all, my sliding shorts for softball are now my "snuggies."

So, I had heard from friends about P90X and decided to give it a try. I took some before pictures in my "snuggies" and started doing the DVDs. I am about 2 weeks in on the lean workout program. I modified my diet and have eliminated or significantly reduced my licorice, candy, soda, and chip intake. I also haven't had an Iceberg double mini-marshmallow in three weeks, which is tough cause they are so good. The workouts are pretty difficult, especially the first week. My 10 year dormant muscles have been going through shock and my lungs have been begging for mercy. The hardest part has been mental; you know, just sticking with it and starting to allow my mind to have more control over my body.

Anyhow, I have lost 10lbs so far and hope the trend will continue, although I think it will even out a bit. I am hoping for 2-3 lbs per week. I feel a lot better already. My heart and lungs feel better and my muscles have more strength. I tracked down a couple flyballs last night that I hadn't been getting to and could actually run the bases. My skin has been better too. I'm not sure how that relates to all this, but it seems to.

The most important thing I've realized is that there seems to be a link between my body's health and my mental and spiritual strength. I'm not yet sure how to explain. I suspect Section 89 of the D&C is where the answer is. At the same time, I'm not suggesting people who are unhealthy don't have mental and spiritual strength; or that physical health automatically denotes mental and spiritual strength. For me personally, the three seem to be interrelated. Positive changes in one seem to help modify the others. Maybe I'm wrong.

Anyhow, if I get brave I'll post some before and after pictures, maybe after a month, two months, or three months. I'll crop my snuggies out just so I don't offend anyone.

Chocolate Cake

Tia is out of town and I remembered about 8:00 pm tonight to feed myself. I wondered about where to eat and finally settled on Magleby's Fresh because they have yummy salads for $5. And I knew if I didn't go get a salad I'd eat that bag of marshmallows in the cupboard.

I ordered my salad and drink and found a corner table. While I waited for food a lady in a bag-draped wheelchair rolled through the front door. She was really dirty and looked unkempt. She eventually wheeled to the order counter and I watched as she asked the girl how much something was. The lady pulled out a couple dollars and paid for her food. She sat at the table next to me near the door, and ate with her head down. It was obvious there were temporal needs she couldn't meet.

I debated myself. I could tell she was hungry and couldn't afford more food. I wondered if there was something I could do. I debated the possibility of presumption and didn't dare patronize. I feel that all individuals deserve respect and dignity and was concerned I could offend. In the back of my mind I was concerned that others in the restaurant would think I was manifesting good will because it was on the public corner.

I finally thought this: the reality is that she is a sister who has needs that are outwardly visible. If she needs succor, I will offer it. I don't care what this whole restaurant thinks. I will not avoid her need by mentally justifying my insecurity. And If I don't offer help to this lady, I may as well quit church and donate my scriptures to the DI.

I took a final drink of my diet Pepsi, pushed back my chair, and walked over to the lady. I bent down and apologized for interrupting her. I asked if I could buy her a piece of chocolate cake for dessert, as I had heard it was excellent. She said she would love one. I told her I would have them bring it over.

I didn't wait around to see if she enjoyed it. I put my Mets hat down over my eyes and made my way to the car.

Poem of the Week - A Dream Within A Dream - Edgar Allan Poe

Edgar Allan Poe is perhaps my favorite Transcendentalist Era American poet. He was contemporary to Melville, Hawthorne, Thoreau and Emerson, among others. I also really like his poems "Lenore," "The Bells," and "The Raven." You might remember him best for his short story "Fall of the House of Usher."


A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

- Edgar Allan Poe

I really like the second stanza of this poem. The speaker stands on the shore trying to control the most tiny elements against the massive and vast force of the sea, and can't do it.


I think poetry is like a mirror. I hold it up and read it, and see myself in my interpretations. I see myself in this speaker. The times I've realized that I really can't control even the most simple elements of life have been profoundly enlightening; I then find myself more willing to submit to God's will and less inclined to attempt self-rescue, if that makes sense. I somehow feel helpless without feeling hopeless. That is a good place for me to be because I begin to give away my sins and more humbly approach life.

Britain's Got Talent - You've Got to Watch This

This is really amazing!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Elder Holland's Talk

I suspect many of you watched Elder Holland's recent general conference talk.

Here is a great video from Mormon Messages on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpFhS0dAduc


Perhaps the best talk I've heard on the Savior...

RSR - Log Cabin Part Deux

I wrote yesterday about the Smith family log cabin. It was relatively small and the family was relatively large. I found one other thing interesting about that cabin.

Several family members were involved in religious revivals that sprouted around Palmyra. Joseph, Sr., Alvin, William and Joseph, Jr. often stayed home while Lucy and other family members attended religious services. Joseph found that organized religion contradicted what he understood the scriptures to say and mean. Confusion ensued. Joseph concluded that his answers wouldn't be found in the Baptist, Methodist, or Presbyterian church.

So, back to the log cabin. You all know the story of his biblical encounter with James; Joseph decided to seek eternal direction in prayer. He decided in 1820 to walk into the wooded area near the cabin to pray. From what I read, he decided to go to the grove because the log cabin was too crowded and the wooded grove offered some solace; also, Joseph worked clearing the trees for the farm, and had left his ax in the grove and stopped to pray where it was.

I wondered if or how the narrative (not the outcome) would have changed if Joseph's family lived in a large framed house instead of a tiny log cabin. Would he have ever ventured to the grove for privacy? I like to think God needed Joseph in a small log cabin so he could get him into the grove. I also like to think Joseph didn't have intention to go to some particular spot in the grove; I bet he thought, "I left that ax over there in the woods, and maybe I'll go over there." I remain impressed that God worked with the inclinations of a 14 year old, who maybe didn't want his family to see him, perhaps awkwardly, offer his first vocal prayer, and who maybe felt comfortable praying in a spot where he worked and toiled, and where he would have a reason to be while he privately explored his eternal destiny.

Now, I don't for a minute think circumstances would have changed the outcome of the Prophet. I do think God works within those circumstances to get his work done. And I do think he may at times put us in circumstances to accomplish his work.

I found myself wondering about my own circumstances, and exploring what God is trying to help me learn and why, or perhaps, who I might influence for good. I began to think about the guys I play softball with, the people I work with, the place I live, the Sunday School class Tia and I teach, my proximity to family, etc. I think those times and experiences that constitute our sacred groves are most often immediate to our circumstances and Heavenly Father is just trying to get us where he needs us to be so we can progress, and help others progress.